I have forgotten how many times I had thought about creating a blog. For whatever reason, creating art blogs never crossed my mind, as all my ideas used to revolve around travelling and expressing my feelings in a certain way. Maybe it was the fact that, until now, art had been a hobby that I did sporadically. Now that I have started thinking about making my art a career, I feel it’s the right time to start a blog to combine two things that I love, art and writing.

I have always struggled with writing captions for Instagram, mostly because I enjoy writing my thoughts in long paragraphs that I doubt anyone wants to read a lot there. While I don’t know if this blog is going to go somewhere or whether it’ll be read by people, it’s something that I enjoy and I don’t see the point of not doing it because of fear of failing.

I’m the type of person that struggles with changes. The type of person that needs a little push to start things. When it comes to art and social media, I’m someone who has always been afraid to take one step forward and share my work because of fear of what the people I know might think. Yes, I don’t struggle with the idea of people who don’t know me seeing me on YouTube or Instagram, but it’s the thought of those I know (my family, my friends, my old school classmates) judging me that stops me in my tracks. Why? I don’t know. That’s an answer I have been meaning to find but haven’t found yet.

This past year has been a year of changes. I moved from Buenos Aires to Madrid to start a new life overseas. I started a new job. I’m constantly meeting new people, trying to make this city my new home, while “mourning” everything and everyone I have left behind. I think it’s safe to say that it’s taking a toll on my mental health. There are the good days were I’m excited about this new art project and I forget all those fears (those are the days I post), and days were my old fears come wrecking everything I have been working for, and it takes all my energy to come back (those are the weeks I go missing from social media). The bad days are becoming less frequent, but they are still there. However, I don’t want the bad days to limit me, and that’s why I’m “forcing” myself to push through and just start. After all, starting and being consistent in the first month is the most difficult thing.

Writing a blog post can happen anywhere, and it doesn’t require perfect lighting or waiting for family to stop making noise so I can finally record a video. And, of course, it doesn’t take all my energy from overthinking the way I act and speak in front of a camera (I have only posted one video on YouTube but awkward is not an exaggeration). Plus, once you have a blog post written down, it’s easier to tweak a thing or two before you have a video script.

I posted my first YouTube video two weeks ago. Hitting the upload button was easier than I thought it would be, but that fear of people that I know finding out about it is still there. It’s very real, but I’m pushing through it. Why should I care about what people think? Why am I embarrassed by the idea of people judging the fact that I chose YouTube to share my art journey? As I said, I don’t have the answers. But I’m done with my fears ruling my life. Now, don’t get me wrong, that’s easier said than done. I still have days where I cry because my fears overwhelmed me. However, I want to get better, and the only way to do that is to move forward and face my fears.

Starting something new is an exciting and scary project. But who knows, maybe these changes are exactly what I need to get better, and I’m happy to share this new journey with all of you.

Lucia ♡